Aftermath Of Rape:  Clinging On To God Led Me To Victory

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The stigma of being raped is earth-shattering.   I felt shame, fear, alone, and terrorized by my nightmares and unpleasant memories.  “Common reactions to sexual assault include feeling like you can’t feel safe again, feeling ashamed, low esteem for self or others, feeling scared, and wondering if your life can ever be the same,” says licensed clinical psychologist Elizabeth Ramquist, Ph.D. But no matter how bad it felt, I know I have to move on from it.  My parents often remind me that it was not my fault and was not of God’s doing, but rather an opportunity used by the devil.

“Sexual assault is any sexual act, which is unwelcome or unwanted. It is sometimes committed through use of manipulation, coercion, intimidation, threats, force, or a controlled substance. It can range from sexual battery, to threat of sexual assault, to rape,” according to Hung Tran, Psy.D.

My struggle lasted for almost before I was able to bounce back from the trauma of the rape, and the healing process was very painful.  But with the support of my parents, counselor, and churchmates, I was able to move past it.  I was able to restructure my life, rebuild a sense of self-control and self-worth, and have the courage to trust people again. I even see myself now as stronger and more resilient.

Opportunity Presents Itself

As I see myself ready to face the world again. I started to ask myself questions on how I survived it.  I focused my attention on studying God’s words and looked for answers and the reasons why God allowed it to happen.

Yes, I was raped, but it was not the end of it.  I’ve realized that there are other things that I should be thankful for, and one is that I’m still alive.   Second, because of what happened to me, our family became closer, giving me the support I needed.  Third, I found a purpose for my life after my rape, and it is God himself who opened doors of opportunity for my family and me.  He gave us the strength to face it and talk about it not just within our family or the confines of our church but to other communities and organizations as well.

I thank God that our family became bounded by the same spiritual determination.   It has become our core strength to spread awareness about rape and give hope for victims of rape and sexual trauma.  God had made me an instrument to help teenagers like me who almost took their lives because of the stigma brought by sexual assault, abuse, and rape.

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Rape Is Not The End

Your traumatic experience from rape may have closed a door, but it is your choice to allow it to open windows so

  • love may come in
  • belief in God will enable you to forgive
  • affirm what God has done and can do to your life

I cling on to God, for there’s no one else that I know of that can help me get to where I want to go but Him.  He is the only way I know who can help me survive and let go of the pain.  I look up only to Him so that I may forgive my assailant.  If not for his love, goodness, and control over me after the rape, I could have been stuck in the darkest moments of my life forever.

All Things Work Together For Good

I believe that my God is a God who makes no mistakes.  Tragedies happen for a reason. For me, it was the rape, while others have their own forms of miseries, which God allows to make His children stronger and become better people.  These things are hard to comprehend when you’re in the middle of your misery, but after the suffering, it is then that you will realize that God’s yearning is for your betterment because He is the father who loves you most.

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It is your faith that will allow you to see this, and only by God’s grace will you have a faith like this.  I don’t know how God will use what happened to you, but I believe if you listen to Him with your heart you will find His purpose for you as I did.

After my rape, I just held on to Him. He was the one who led me to the victory I am enjoying now with my family. Also, “Healing from sexual assault and physical abuse is a slow psychological process that can be worked on gradually and released as a negative event that happened and is not what controls your life today,” says Dr. Taji Huang PhD.

How To Kick Victim-Blaming In The Butt According To A Therapist

 

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Rape is the most painful experience that could happen to any woman.  Rape victims are always the biggest losers. “According to a telephone survey of a nationally representative sample of 16,507 adults, nearly one in five women has been a victim of rape or attempted rape and one in 71 men reports having been raped or the target of attempted rape,” says Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP. Furthermore, she said, “Rape is a violent crime. It brutally assaults the victim’s core self and the physical, psychological, neurological, and cognitive systems that integrate functioning.”

Continue reading “How To Kick Victim-Blaming In The Butt According To A Therapist”

Changes That Counseling Can Bring To Victims Of Sexual Abuse

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If there’s one more thing that victims of sexual abuse are afraid of, it is them telling and recounting every painful event that they would never want to experience again. More often than not, these survivors live in silence as they have the thinking that they would be ‘judged’ by anyone who would hear their story. Trust becomes the most difficult issue to deal with when it comes to the victims’ therapy.

“Disclosure of an unspeakable event is beyond what many can do in the immediate aftermath of rape but that need not preclude reaching for help. Often it is in that step towards help that a small re-ordering of life begins,” says Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP.

Continue reading “Changes That Counseling Can Bring To Victims Of Sexual Abuse”

Rape: Sexual Assault And Abuse

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“Rape is a violent crime. It brutally assaults the victim’s core self and the physical, psychological, neurological, and cognitive systems that integrate functioning,” says Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP.

Rape is any form of non-consensual sexual contact. Excellent examples are the use of force, pressure, drugs, threat, or influence to get an individual to do a sexual act unwillingly. Victims of rape can be anyone. It doesn’t discriminate age or gender. It happens in different situations such as a date, a party, walking alone in a dark place, or visiting an acquaintance or a friend. However, women are the most susceptible to becoming a target since society considers them a little weaker compared to men.

Continue reading “Rape: Sexual Assault And Abuse”

Stalker Alert: Is Stalking Okay?

Most of us, at some point in our lives, have stalked someone or been stalked by someone. It could be someone we like or a famous person we fancy, and it is just typical to like someone, to somehow wish to be someone or be with someone. At some point, we have all experienced stalking.

 

 

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What Is Stalking?

Stalking is a behavior where a person has an excessive and obsessive desire or attention towards a particular person. A stalker spends time and effort to know everything about the person he is stalking.

 

Is Stalking A Mental Illness?

“Believe it or not, many stalkers, due to mental health or personality disorders, are impaired and lack the ability to reason and engage appropriately with others. For the most part, individuals who would be labeled a stalker often suffer from a lack of social skills and finds communicating with others challenging,” according to Támara Hill, MS, LPC.

Most of the stalkers have severe mental issues like depression, substance abuse, schizophrenia, and other personality disorders. It is a little bit scary because some of these conditions act or perform stalking based on their reality which can be delusional.

 

When a person has schizophrenia, he loses his understanding of reality. He has his own belief which he believes to be the truth. People with schizophrenia are most likely to develop a particular desire and obsession towards someone. It can be in his reality that the person he is stalking feels the same way.

 

Signs You Are Stalking:

Nowadays, almost all of us can have access to the internet, and it is easy to learn about someone just by searching them up on social media like Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Sometimes, we are unaware that we are already stalking someone by always checking on their status and updates on social media.

 

  • “I’m not a stalker.” It is what you tell yourself when you notice your obsessive behavior towards someone. You are immediately in defense and denial.

 

  • You create duplicate accounts on social media just to cyberstalk.

 

  • You befriend his family and friends. Somehow, you feel a certain level of closeness to that person when you talk to someone close to him like his best friend even though deep inside you find him annoying.

 

  • You pay close attention to his activities and whereabouts in the hope of seeing and interacting with him in person.

 

  • You make an effort to know his phone number and would try and ring him once in a while. You call him just to hear his voice without really talking to him.

 

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Signs You Are Being Stalked:

  • Someone is lurking around wherever you go.
  • Someone watches you but doesn’t talk to you.
  • Someone asks about you repeatedly.
  • Someone keeps on ringing your phone, but when you answer it, nobody speaks.
  • Someone always likes your posts on social media, sometimes even comments even though you are not close.
  • When you feel and think someone gives creepy attention and obsession to you, trust your instinct because it is most likely the case.

“The data suggest a substantial proportion of adolescents are victims of stalking and are likewise at risk for a number of deleterious health outcomes,” according to Dennis E. Reidy, Ph.D. “As such, this population merits further attention by prevention researchers and practitioners.” He speaks about a study he has done where teenagers are more likely to be stalked.

Rising Stars Who Were Tragically Killed By Stalkers:

Christina Grimme

Christina Grimme was only 22 when she was shot dead by his stalker fan Kevin James Loibl, 27. He was stalking her long before the night he decided to end the life of the singer, Youtuber, and The Voice finalist. Investigations revealed that the killer was at the back of the crowd watching Grimme at her concert in Florida. Little did everyone know that he was already planning on making that concert her last one. He immediately shot himself right after killing Grimme.

 

Rebecca Schaeffer

Rebecca Schaeffer was a 21-year old Hollywood movie star at that time when she was gunned down by an obsessed fan, Robert John Bardo. Reports showed that he stalked Schaeffer for three years before finally succeeding in his evil plan of putting her down in her Los Angeles home. Her tragic death resulted in passing a law prohibiting employees to reveal addresses of celebrities prone to these situations.

 

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There were many other celebrities killed by fans who were close to them that’s why nobody thought that they would suffer such fate. They were most likely stalking, waiting for the right moment to do their evil act. Whether the stalker intends to murder his stalkee, any action that poses a threat to that person’s well-being, whether emotional or physical, it is crucial that the person being stalked act accordingly or tell the authorities about it. It can be paranoia, or maybe not. But there’s no harm in taking precautions especially when our life is involved.

“Please don’t try to handle this on your own. You’ve never been in a situation like this before so, of course, you don’t know what to do. But the police and crisis teams do have experience to draw on. Talk to people who can offer you the protection and practical help you need. Do consider staying somewhere safe while you work this situation through,” says Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker.