Month: October 2019

 

Having studied in a Christian school, we were taught that virtue and values are most important.  We were trained to be ladylike in speech and demeanor.  It was ingrained in us at a very young age that discipline, respect, and love for others should be our priority for us to start building a future full of positivity.

 

I grew up protected, loved, and cherished by everyone around me.  Who will ever think that such a tragedy will happen to me?

 

 

The Nightmare

It was just like any ordinary Friday, and since there was no school the next day we were allowed to have some fun.  My parents are often home late during Fridays, so it was just me, my siblings, and my uncle who were home.   I, together with my siblings and some friends, decided to go out for some burgers and fries.  As it was getting dark, we headed back home after a few chats.

Upon entering the gate to our house, maybe the last one who got in forgot to lock it, and we didn’t notice that some guys whom we didn’t know we’re able to get in.

 

My siblings went to their rooms while I headed to my parents’ room to have a quick shower there.   I was already drying up when I heard a loud stump approaching the bathroom.  I thought it was just one of my siblings, but to my surprise, it was a big man I’ve never seen before.   He was tossing things around, as if searching for something, opening every drawer and cabinet. Not finding what he was looking for, he started walking towards the bathroom where I was hiding.

 

I was speechless, trembling in fear, but in my mind, I’ve been calling to God to protect me.   I was sitting there on the bathroom floor trying to hide.  I felt the cold steel of his gun against my shoulder.  I looked up, and he grabbed me asking me for cash and valuables.  In terror, I told him I would give him everything as long as he wouldn’t hurt me or anyone in the house.  Then he told me just to sit there.   He turned off the light.   At gunpoint, I thought he was going to shoot me, but I was stunned when he forced himself into me.  While he was doing that, I was praying.  I felt numb.  There was no clarity of thoughts.  All that I had with me were my fears and my tears.

 

When he was done, he asked me to get dressed and he tied me and directed me to the kitchen where my siblings and uncle were.   They were also hand-tied.   My instinct was to check on my siblings if they were hurt.  After having all the cash and jewelry the robbers needed, they fled immediately.  And my uncle called the police station.

 

The police were already in the house when my parents came.   It was the police who broke the news to them that I was raped.  I saw how hurt they were.  My mother was sobbing as she was heading towards me.

 

The material things that were gone can be recovered but not the one they’ve stolen from me.

 

 

I Questioned God

It was like a nightmare that haunts me not just every night but every second of each passing day.   I was asking God, “Are you really there?”

 

“Why didn’t you hear my sobs?”

 

“Why did you allow it to happen?”

 

 

Learning To Trust Again

With counseling and with my parents’ support, I was able to survive the terror it caused me.  I may not understand why God allowed such things to happen, but I have learned to trust him.

 

God sometimes opens the hedge of protection, but that doesn’t mean that we will let the evil rule over us.  Satan has used those guys to try to discredit the values God had instilled in me.

 

My mom never fails to remind me to humble myself under the mighty hands of God and not to rebel against Him despite the brutal insult committed against me.

 

At that time, I questioned God.  I don’t exactly know why He allowed it to occur but I re-learned to trust and rest upon His promise of a better future.

 

 

My Rewards

It was hard, but as time passed by, I have learned to forgive those criminals who assaulted me.  I have lifted their fate in God.

 

Life has to continue for a future of positivity.  And at the right time, God rewarded me by giving me a very loving husband who supports me in all my endeavors. We have lovely kids who also followed the narrow path leading to God’s kingdom.

 

I no longer count the loss.   Instead, I am forever grateful for the blessings God is pouring upon me and my whole family.

 

We hear staggering news of children (boys and girls alike) who get abused almost every day, and it is very frightening just to let go of our little darlings.  It’s not the issue of being paranoid or untrusting to other people, but only overly concerned with our own kid’s safety.

 

We cannot be with our children all the time.  There will come a phase in their lives where they will demand a bit of freedom, and we should know when we should let go so our lovely little birdie will learn to fly on her own.

 

 

What Is The Right Age To Let Go

It’s essential that we listen to our kids when deciding on this.   Some kids tell their parents upfront, but others are too shy or too afraid to voice it out because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.   However, we must learn to read their body language and read between the lines when they are telling us things.  When you have a hint, don’t argue with it anymore, respect her and save her from embarrassment.   It will help her build confidence in herself.

 

Make Them Smart and Strong 

But before we do the letting go, it’s vital that we prepare them so that their time flying alone will be an enjoyable one for them.   Teach them well that they may be smart enough to protect themselves from predators.

 

1. Teach the difference between appropriate touch and inappropriate touch. “When I talk to younger kids about sex and their bodies, I think the most important thing to do is be concrete,” says Dr. Jamie Howard, a clinical psychologist here at the Child Mind Institute who specializes in families and trauma. continues. “You can say, ‘the only grownups that touch your body are mom and dad and the doctor, particularly private parts.’ This changes, of course, as kids get older, but being developmentally appropriate in your conversations does not mean you can’t be concrete as well.” It may be awkward, but it’s crucial that you arm your kid with information to avoid making her a victim of sexual abuse or harassment.  Remind your kid that it’s her body and that people should respect it.  Tell her that no one should touch her underneath her clothes unless medically necessary and should always be in the presence of her parents.

 

2. It’s not always about strangers. Most of the reported sexual abuse is committed by someone close to the child.   Be always aware of who she spends time with and what activity they do.  Tell your child that if anyone (a close relative or not) did something to her that she thinks is not right, she has to inform you right away.

 

3. Practice a No-Secret Relationship with your kid. Always engage her in conversations, especially when it involves her.   Let her be open to you by being open to her.   Never interrupt her when she’s trying to tell you something, it might be something significant.   Be her best friend. Child therapist Natasha Daniels suggests to “Tell your child that no matter what happens, when they tell you anything about body safety or body secrets they will NEVER get in trouble.”

 

4. Faith and trust are very important. Explain to her clearly what these two things are and why they are of importance.  Assure her that you will always listen to everything and never get mad whether what she says is proper or not.  You can always talk to her in a manner that she will not hide anything from you or be afraid to open up to you.

 

5. Be involved in your kid’s life, by knowing where she’s going, who she’s with, and what her activities are. Befriend her friends.  Train her always to open up to you and never to break your trust.

 

It’s very heartbreaking to let go of our little ones, but we must, for them to know how to survive in the world that is not the fantasy dreamland they grew up listening to in our stories.   It’s a world where there are people who care for nothing but themselves, who are good at manipulating people who are weaker.

 

There’s no exact formula that we can impart to our kids but there are safety measures we can teach them at an early age, so that they may know how to take care and protect themselves.

 

 

According to forensic psychiatrist Dr. Alan Ravitz, “The main strategy should be encouraging kids to talk to their parents, no matter what.” Letting go of our kids is taken in baby steps until they are smart and strong enough to spread their wings and fly freely.   The values we inculcate in them will always stay with them.  They may sometimes forget and may fall, but like all parents, it’s important to assure them that we will always be here to protect them.

 

Falling is a part of flying, and we, parents, are the nets that are always willing to catch them until they can fly again.